Wednesday, June 18, 2008

When a Family Member Becomes Ill...

...the world is turned topsy-turvey.

Paul became ill at work last Friday, requiring a visit to the emergency room and a short hospitalization. This was an extremely stressful and difficult time. The good news is that he is home and safe, that this illness is not at all as serious as we originally thought, and Paul has several appointments to have certain test results explained or followed up on. He has been home and will be home all this week.

The big thing now is a change in the way we live and how we balance things. The balance in our lives was almost non-existent, in that Paul was overworked, overtired, on a treadmill, so to speak, and it finally got to him.

But the future always has a ray of hope. The trick is to see the ray of hope in the darkness. To see sane work hours, balanced, healthy meals, time for exercise and relaxation, and time for beauty. To be honest, I am quite afraid that I am not up to the task of providing this for my beloved husband. I feel and have always felt very scattered in my approach to my role as a wife, mother, and grandmother. Although I have many organizational tools at my disposal, my use of them comes in fits and starts. Never a seamless perfection of orderliness and balance. I must confess to a tremendous amount of guilt in the way our lives have been since day one of our marriage, and I am feeling that my deficiencies may have ultimately lead to this current distress in our lives.

My approach then is to put one foot in front of the other as we move through this crisis. And I just pray that God will reach me and show me the way out of this darkness.


French Mom said...

Hi Celeste,
I'm a 46 years old French catholic mom, and I just discovered your lovely blog !...I'm sorry for the upsetting time you've just experienced, and I'm happy your husband is safe now. I'm sure you will be able to give your husband and family all the peace and loving care they need. The Lord will help you in these hard moments, He is with you ! I will pray for you, and will be back soon to enjoy your blog !...Hugs from France

Anonymous said...

Celeste, marriages are partnerships. You support him, he supports you. This was NOT brought about by your perceived deficiencies.

Lynn said...

Please don't be too hard on yourself. All my best wishes for Paul's quick recovery, as well as my prayers. Buy please don't be too hard on yourself! You can't take good care of anyone if you are busy beating up yourself!

I know just what you mean about feeling like your approach to things is disjointed. I feel the same way. If there is a more organized way to deal with raising a family and taking care of a home, I haven't yet found one that works for me. But remember that your husband's health is not all your fault.

Take care, be good to yourself, and know that each day God will give you what you need.

Celeste said...

Thank you all! Paul is feeling much better now, as am I. I was a little down when I posted as you all could see. Paul is on the mend with limited work hours. His condition is not serious, but we are making changes in our life to make it more sane, much more stress-free, and enjoyable. Your support is greatly appreciated.